Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Gleaming the Cube!

I'll be the first to admit that Blogs are like luxury cars to me. I love them. I'm addicted to looking at them and noting to my friends about how I saw a ferrari or a lambo on the street. I love driving them. The exhilaration of power and design meeting. But no matter how many times I take one for a test drive I have never bought one. Not once. Blogs are a lot like that for me. I see the advantage. I check everyone else's on a regular basis but to find a new post on my blog is like finding a virgin in the playboy mansion, only not as exciting or as worth it. I am writing this post to talk about something I usually don't. Movies. More specifically, Kevin Smith Movies. I can no longer sit and quietly listen. This is my take.

Kevin Smith movies are for people who have never lived their own exciting life and are impressed by any moment of raunchy teen dream realization. The audience is filled with boys who were willing to peel themselves off the 360 controller long enough to imagine that they could be the star of any said movie by Silent Bob, a character which only plays further in my favor of the pointed awkward male connection.

The spark of this forest fire lies solely on the recent smith giving of "Zack and Miri make a Porno." This movie lacked any real feeling at all like most smith movies. I went in wanting to like it. I like Seth Rogen and I love Elizabeth Banks, I literally love porno but this movie made all three feel like when your mom walks in on you beating off. You wanted it to be good, but you end u feeling sorry for yourself and the old man you paid. The best character in the movie was Justin Long and he had about a 5 minute part. Now, I dont blame the actors, I blame the writer. If you can make porno boring, well, you need to be drawn and quartered.

The film was less than unfunny and just came off as a safe movie disguised as a raunchy one. I have funnier friends than this movie and I honestly think thats what Kevin Smith thought before he started making films but guess what, his friends...not that funny. Save your dough people.

Besides, the inevitable "Uncut-Unfiltered" DVD will probably satisfy your needs more just because it's bound to have more tits in it.